I like lists a lot. Dare I say, love. (Case in point, I just caught myself launching into a bulleted list of the various reasons why I love lists. Truth.) And if I continue this truth tree with you, I will add that making lists is as important to my clarity as kitchen and car dancing are for my mood.
Photo by Cathryn Lavely
Years ago an executive coach helped this Enneagram 2 girl realize the importance of prioritizing daily reflection. Sometimes my practice includes paragraphs, sometimes I organize content with a mind-map, and since my brain operates pretty naturally in the space of bullets and numbers, I often create lists for daily priorities, seasonal focuses and aspirational visions. Most recently, the wind-down of 2021 inspired “22 for 2022” and “Top 21 for 2021” lists. And it may not surprise you that not only did I have a ton of fun with these lists, but it also clarified my focus for 2022.
As we launch a new year, some of us set goals, create resolutions, or like me, pick words and intentions that embody the aspirational focus for the next year. While I'm not a super-fan of people feeling the need to re-invent themselves in the new year, I love the reflective energy that a flip of the calendar brings. Any milestone can be a reason to pause, step away from the metaphorical dance floor we cha-cha on each day (kitchen floor included!), and find a seat in our individual balconies. An upcoming birthday for you or a loved one, a promotion or change in responsibilities, or the changing of a season - anything is fair game for reflection.
From the balcony, our view shifts to a bigger picture and we can more easily reflect on what's working in our life; what shifts we want to make; and what intentions to set. As Mary Oliver wrote in her poem, "The Summer Day",
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"
There are so many ways and times to get to the balcony, and one of the challenges is creating a path there. I wish I could tell you my balcony time looks and feels like a scene ripped out of a Parisian cafe, complete with coffee, a pain au chocolat and a flowering garden. However in this season of my life, my balcony is a mosaic of multiple days and locations, some of them actually occurring in the front seat of my car while I wait for children to come out from their activities. (There is sometimes a flashlight involved - what can I say, dark winter arrives early here!) While it might not be the most impressive-looking balcony, it feels aligned to my values and creates the clarity I want and need right now. I’m not giving up on the Paris vision – it's simply not my season yet.
In my conversations with leaders, I notice many are missing this balcony time, and we often co-create their reflection and goal-setting real-time in our coaching sessions. Especially with all that people are juggling right now with sick family members, supply shortages and staffing challenges, even when they block balcony time on their calendars, it seems to quickly get “triple-booked” – and therefore pushed to the side.
Intellectually, we all know that without time to think, prepare, and prioritize, even for a few minutes each day, we, as leaders, parents, and humans, can easily find ourselves reacting to what’s in front of us versus proactively focusing on what's most important. And yet, it takes intention, communication and experimentation to find the right cadence, duration and focus for that time.
In this ever-changing schedule of life, my typical pattern seems to include:
Finding my balcony mojo: ahhh...it works, I rest into it, and I feel aligned and centered, living in congruence with my intentions.
And then one day, I realize my balcony time has a "Dancing with the Stars" frenetic energy to it. Or it's not happening at all. And that's when I need to tune more fully into my internal cues that I have unconsciously been ignoring - emotions of me feeling easily frustrated, resentful and short on patience. Sure-fire signs that something has shifted in my system that is pulling my focus and time into other areas - at the demise of my own priorities and deliverables.
Finally with this this new data, I figure out what shifted in my ecosystem(s) and how I need to adapt. For example, I haven't always used swim practice parking lots to reflect, but as someone who has worked from home for almost 20 years, a recent observation was how noise has shifted in Casa Hammer. Yada yada yada, I broadened my balconizing to outside my office walls - and it's working. Until the next reboot is needed.
If you are anything like me at a wedding, you spend lots of time on the dance floor. Even when I’m exhausted, I can’t help but get out there when the next great song is played - it is so fun! The ‘dance floor’ of life is similar; in fact, it can feed a lot of our ego – we get things done, we do good work, and we cross things off our lists. (Have I told you how much I adore lists?) And yet, if all those achievements aren’t in service of the critical goals of our lives, careers and organizations, it’s an inefficient use of our time, energy and even dance moves. And has us feeling burned-out, frustrated or misaligned. I hope you will join me in the very hard – yet important – practice of finding your balcony. I promise it will be an award-winning production – starring you!
May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer,
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more.
-John O'Donohue
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