Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth. -Henry David Thoreau, Walden
“I am stuck. I have always found a way to push through things like this. But for some reason, I just can’t right now.”
My client shared this significant challenge that was impeding her abilities to both lead her organization and be fully present with her young family, aligned with her values and vision. As we explored this together, I felt my usual internal “pop” happen. While I can feel you bracing yourself for wisdom, insight and clarity, I must warn you that my pop is a tad unique.
This one was…California Dreamin’ by The Mamas and The Papas. Powerful, right? You might not see it that way, as it has taken me decades to understand this curly-covered brain of mine.
Let me back up and explain. In my non-statistically-sound sampling techniques, I can confidently tell you that none of my fabulous, fellow coaching colleagues work like this, i.e. create a Spotify playlist real-time in their heads. (If you know of anyone, please let me know so we can build a small-but-mighty community!) But, for me, this is a common occurrence – in coaching and life. Thanks to an inherited “trait” I gained from my highly-skilled, musically-inclined mother, I always (98% of the time, if I’m being honest) have a tune going through my head. And if you’re interested in accessing one of these various playlists, please know that all the songs come from 2006 and earlier. Coincidentally, I became a parent in the fall of 2006 - things that make you go hmmm...!) So, I don’t advertise this quality as anything close to current, hip, or too legit to quit. Just look at my language for evidence.
So back to my client in suffering. I started to wonder about how conscious she was of the ‘season’ she was in, and with that ‘season’ phrase...The Mamas and The Papas suddenly entered our private coaching space.
All the leaves are brown All the leaves are brown And the sky is gray I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk) On a winter's day (On a winter's day) I'd be safe and warm (I'd be safe and warm) If I was in L.A. (If I was in L.A.) California dreaming (California dreaming) On such a winter's day
The mind is fascinating to me. (Note: mine went to “Didn’t I (Blow Your Mind This Time) by New Kids on the Block. Geez oh pete.)
I’m sure it was no coincidence that seasons were fresh on my mind, as we all find ourselves in our second spring of the global pandemic. One of my favorite things about this time of year (spring, not the pandemic) is the visual prompt it offers me – not only for replacing snow gear with sunscreen and rain boots, but for an opportunity to pause, reflect and assess my current life and priorities. (And yes, I’m usually doing this with tissues and Flonase nearby…love me some seasonal allergies.)
Kendra Adachi, author of the The Lazy Genius Way, uses the term “season” beautifully – as a way to name and be aware of the phase of life you are in right now. The good, the bad AND the ugly – so we can acknowledge, accept and/or act on its components. Some seasons are more challenging than others. She encourages us to regularly pause and name the season we’re living in. Beyond “spring”, it’s about answering questions like “what am I up to – what do I love about it – what are the challenges about it?”
For me, my life seasons have shifted and evolved a lot in the past year (certainly more than the four calendar seasons my Kindergartener learned about this year), and perhaps yours have too. The full ‘ecosystem’ we operate in informs that. Kids’ school’ schedules and related needs alone have been a big driver to what I list in my current season. And then because none of us live in a bunker under ground (although, with the right chocolate candy and humidity levels, this curly girl would entertain that conversation), the other elements of our complex society also play a role in our life. Politics, people hurting, family members’ health, climate change, injustices, groups you are involved in, etc. The act of ‘seasoning’ (i.e. becoming aware of your life season - I might have just made that phrase up? If you google ‘seasoning’, you will find yourself engulfed by salt, pepper and lemon) can be a rich and crucial practice for living with purpose and intentionality.
Dr. Dan Siegal, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, says, “Name it to tame it” - which is so important to understanding where we are in life and what we need. Some things are in our control – and we can take action on those. And some are not in our control. Our strategy in those spaces requires a different mindset and approach (and sometimes some silverware drawer organizing. I’m just sayin’.)
So, as my client and I put some ‘naming’ to her season, including what she loved, her priorities, her challenges and the pain within it, I could see some of her ‘stuck fog’ lift a bit. She identified a few tactical next steps she wanted to take around asking for different forms of support from her team members and husband. And there was also a more centered calm in her as she named the reality of certain challenges she was holding – ones she actually didn’t want to ‘push through’, but rather accept and be in. She admitted that these aspects of her life felt really hard – and yet they were also filled with moments of pure joy that were unique to this phase of her life. She felt centered and clear.
(If you are curious, my ‘head playlist’ then cued up Darius Rucker’s ‘It Won’t Be Like This For Long.” Always. Playing. A. Song.)
Song lyrics are one of the unique (and quirky) ways my brain links frameworks and questions to conversations I get to be in. I imagine you don’t have an internal playlist going, and yet, I KNOW your life season is at play for you. So, list what is going on for you – easy, fun and hard. And maybe put a title to it. It can be fun, AND it can center you on what’s most important to you and what’s in your control. From there you can act on things that need acting on, and accept what is simply part of the season. As G.I. Joe told me in my childhood, “Knowing is half the battle.”
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